Why Am I So Burnt Out? There Are Two Main Reasons (I Think)

I’ve heard from some people recently who feel frustrated that their burnout is lasting longer than they predicted it would.

This is a much more common scenario than people think.

Here are a couple of situations that often happen, from what I’ve seen:

1) The person takes a break or is signed off work for anywhere from 1-6 months. They try to return but soon hit the wall again and find themselves back at square one.

2) They quit and commit the next year to recovering, only to make limited progress with their mental and physical wellbeing over those 12 months. They may feel a bit better after some time but not ready to go back to full-time work.

So, this begs the question — what’s really going on here?

The Two Main Reasons Why Burnout Happens

Burnout is often blamed on being overworked to the point of exhaustion.

This can indeed happen over the course of several months or years. And it be a core cause, as the state of being overworked sends a consistent stream of danger signals to your body.

There are only so many times your body can produce the high amounts of energy needed to engineer a fight/flight response, which is typical of working long hours or an intense job.

Beyond a certain threshold, your body will start to respond with the low energy “freeze” state as its default reaction to stress. In this mode, it’s still trying to protect you from the big, bad, stressful world it perceives is surrounding you.

You could argue it doesn’t do the best job of this, because leaving you stuck in bed or on the couch unable to work brings its own financial and social stress.

Nevertheless, if you feel even slightly calmer and safer in bed than you do working, then the body senses it has done its job to protect you from harm.

Overworking isn’t the sole cause of burnout, though.

The second reason (that many people don’t speak about) is a lack of joy and enthusiasm. A job or career that once motivated, intrigued, or excited you may no longer do so years down the line.

That growing “purpose vacuum” begins to rumble in your unconscious mind. It may send you small signs that something is wrong — a little more fatigue, some headaches, or body aches. And yet you soldier on during this phase of self-denial.

You crave a change. You crave growth. But you’re confused…

How can something I once found tolerable or enjoyed now feel dull and empty?

People usually try to swat away the negative thoughts and keep on working, hoping they’ll feel better soon.

Maybe they go on a vacation for a week or two. That doesn’t solve it.

They try to sleep more. That doesn’t solve it.

They try a new hobby. That doesn’t solve it.

Now the alarm bells ring.

Your work performance may start to suffer, or you may be able to mask the internal doubt and suffering for a while yet.

The “golden handcuffs” may restrict you too. If you’ve been working your way up in your field and reach a level of success, it’s hard to accept you’ve lost your spark or motivation to continue — especially if there’s no plan B.

In my case, I worked my way up “the ladder” in two different careers.

First, in public health as a psychologist. I went from support worker to assistant practitioner to assistant psychologist to trainee clinical psychologist.

And then I burnt out.

After recovering, I went from being a freelance health copywriter for small businesses, to then working with larger international businesses, and then took on a marketing management position for a few years, reaching a six-figure income.

And then I burnt out, again. Yay!

In hindsight, I can acknowledge that both burnouts were preceded by a multi-month phase of feeling:

• Less enthusiastic about the work

• More pressured and stressed at work

I didn’t work 80 hours a week like some stoic souls do. I was paid well in my second career and treated with respect on a personal level. But the work no longer lit me up inside, while I was having to work faster and with a higher level of responsibility.

So, when a bunch of personal life stressors came along, this combination caused my health to crumble. I’d reached the stage of overwhelm that I have been trying to escape from since with some progress but plenty of setbacks along the way.

I too have asked myself many times on this journey:

Why am I so burnt out?

Why is taking so darn long?

Of course, the impatience only adds fuel to the flames.

At this point, I can see that beyond the initial need for a few months focused on deep rest, it’s been this lack of joy that’s been holding me back.

An absent “YES” inside my heart. A lack of vision, a lack of real direction.

The $500k Salary Conundrum

Let’s say you’re offered a $500k salary for life. But every day you’ll have to go to a stuffy office in a busy, crowded city.

You’ll have to spend most of the day sitting in pointless meetings that drain you.

You’ll have to wear uncomfortable suit wear.

You’ll have to work toward a company mission that doesn’t mean much to you. Or worse, it may even feel unethical.

You’ll have to put up with constant stress, office gossip, and ego games of managers on power trips.

Could you do it?

Would you do it?

Depending on your current need for money, the logical mind may say “are you nuts? Of course I would!”

However, depending on your values and natural stress tolerance levels, the emotional mind fights back with a “for LIFE? Absolutely not!”

The thing is, money is a logical motive. It represents a pathway to increased social status and material resources.

For me, my pursuit of more money is dominated by a desire to feel safe and secure. To feel more powerful and less vulnerable.

But the trap so many get caught in is this “just one more year” mentality.

We sacrifice our time and personal fulfilment to reach the next financial milestone.

Yet, the growing sense of unhappiness, numbness, or depression can feel like the most unsafe thing of all after a while. So, we end up in this existential tug-of-war battle between the desire for financial security and emotional wellbeing.

For some of us, the body hits a breaking point where it decides for us.

Stop — no more.

We ignored the signs to make a change for too long and now we’re stuck in a full-blown burnout that takes longer to recover from.

Your body has to learn to trust you again.

How To Recover From Burnout (I Think, Lol)

I say “I think” because, while I did recover once before, I didn’t know exactly how at the time.

I understand more now after this second burnout. But these are new insights and as you may know, it’s like you flick a switch and poof, you’re 100% recovered.

I’m around 50% recovered at present. So, I don’t want to make out like I have everything figured out. The motive for these newsletters is both self-discovery and to share what I learn along the way.

In terms of the actions to take, I’d broadly prioritise two things:

1) Calmness

2) Joy

Here’s a Google Sheet I created that may help you in your burnout recovery.

If you’ve recently had a burnout and have had to stop working after a period of high stress, chances are your body is crying out for rest. It wants you to slow down and feel calmer instead of rushed, wired, and under pressure.

This phase takes multiple months to unfold, in most cases.

The issue is most of us don’t give our bodies that rest and recovery time. We may stop working or reduce our hours. We may even stop moving physically, but mentally, there are still constant stressful thought loops coming from the mind.

How long will this last?

What if they fire me because I’m sick?

What if my partner leaves me?

What if I can’t afford my rent/mortgage?

What if I have a serious disease?

I must get back to work ASAP.

What if people think I’m exaggerating?

What if people think I’m lazy or weak?

Etc, etc. I’ve experienced all of these worries, even if I was lying in bed or the bath.

Trying to force yourself to not have these thoughts is impossible.

But, if possible, I recommend protecting some time during the day to allow.

To let the thoughts wash over you without clinging to them or overanalysing them.

To accept the exhaustion and tension.

To surrender, as much as you can, to your current reality.

This “giving up” is, ironically, healing for the body.

The body knows what to do when the worrisome, neurotic mind gets out of its way.

Aside from sleep, maybe this involves you doing 5-20 minutes of meditation a few times a day — seated, lying, or standing.

Maybe it involves spending more time in nature. Moving slower. Eating slower. Bathing slower.

The more of these moments you can pepper throughout your day, the better. Then let the stressful thoughts do what they like the rest of the day.

If you notice you’re spiralling down a negative thought loop (and this will happen a lot), orient back to a slower activity where you can be more in the present and less in the past/future.

As I say, this entire phase is about cultivating calmness. I don’t like to put a specific timeline on how long it lasts, but I’d say anywhere from 2-6 months is normal for your body to replenish its energy stores.

The more you fight it and rush your recovery, the more the phase will extend. It’s a hard lesson to learn.

As energy returns bit by bit, your body wants you to use this energy wisely on things that bring you joy and satisfaction.

Joy doesn’t have to be beaming smiles and belly laughs (though those are most welcome). It can be a lot more subtle.

Five minutes of pottering around in the garden can make you feel slightly better. As can singing for a few minutes, going for a night drive, using your favourite shower gel, eating a nice meal, and so forth.

Stack as many of these activities — little or large — as possible through your days. Anything that helps you get into more of a flow rather than ruminating.

You’ll still need time to calm down (meditation, naps, etc) in between the joyful activities. But these activities will be less demanding on your energy systems than doing things you dislike.

Of course, it’s inevitable there will be things you need to do that you don’t like. The best you can manage here is to notice the resistance inside and see if you can soften toward or allow that resistance to be there. Touch into it often with curiosity.

Resting And Pushing Your Way Out Of Burnout — Both Are Doomed To Fail?

Resting will only get you so far. And pushing won’t get you far at all.

You may have been left exasperated by how you keep getting knocked back no matter how hard you try. It’s an awful feeling, as if your body is a prison cell and you can’t seem to find the key to get out.

There is no one key, in my opinion. There are two — calmness and joy, as discussed earlier.

You may be wondering “but Declan, the things that used to bring me joy no longer do. I don’t have the energy to do them.”

This is tricky to navigate when your preferred activities are more energy-intensive, such as running, weightlifting, travelling, and late nights partying.

Rest assured, these can all come back with time. For now, though, see if you can explore less extreme activities.

Examples can include:

• Gentle yoga and slow walks observing your environment

• Watching calmer, less intense shows

• Listening to an album lying down on your bed

• Playing board games or calm video games

• Cooking easier foods that bring comfort such as soups and stews

• Creative activities without needing to move too much (e.g. crafts, drawing, painting, writing)

You can gradually build up from there. You may also muse on questions like:

“If I didn’t have to make money or please anyone else, how would I spend my days?”

Resistance can jump in when you ask yourself this question. It can feel idealistic. The mind responds with thoughts such as “get in the real world, you can’t do that!”

But keep returning to the question and allow space for inspiration to channel through you. There are no bad ideas.

You don’t have to follow the ideas, by the way. Like me, you may have more ideas than you can handle!

That’s OK. Some may emerge as longer-term goals that bring back a bit of hope and motivation.

A vision of the future (even if it’s a little blurry) that seems less stressful or monotonous is a wonderful place to start.

All the best,

Declan Davey

P.S. Here’s the Google Sheet I created that may help you in your burnout recovery